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Sunday, December 12, 2010

In a sign of Political Maturity, Ruto admits to being a War Criminal

 In his latest effort to save himself from the guillotine, William Ruto has  said today he was willing to agree that he is a war criminal. Political tensions have been ratcheting lately as ICC prosecutor Moreno Ocampo threatened to out the names of prime suspects in 72 hours.

Ruto's participation in 2008's PEV has been the point of debate and under exaggeration for the past three years. In agreeing to wearing the war criminal tag, Ruto's intention was to lower the stakes of Ocampo's announcement.

In his unilateral admission of guilt, Ruto said, "My intention was to save my fellow Kalenjins from the impending holocaust. We've been picking up reports of Central province gangs arming themselves to wipe out the kalenjin dirt from Wangu wa Makeeri's land."

"We won 2008's war and I thought it was good to quit while ahead since the pusillanimous Luo's have betrayed us." Ruto further went on to say. But Mr. Ruto's acceptance of 'war criminal' status seems to have  been to little too late. His nemesis, the leader of the Kikuyu criminal association, His excellency, Mr. Michuki said that Kikuyu had to have the last laugh. "If you rattle a snake, expect to bitten." He bellowed at a press conference organized at Kikuyu Central Command headquarters.

Elsewhere, after reports of Kibaki involvement in graft were made public by wikileaks, Kibaki responded in his typical calm, diplomatic manner and said , "Pumbavu! Assange ni mavi ya kuku. Tutamshika akiwa parepare. Kubaff, Waacha aandike. Pia sisi tukipewa donation ya kalamu by our Shynese (chinese) friends to tutaandika." Apparently the President didn't realise that the report was originally written by the US Ambassador. It was reported that the president ordered his followers to troll on Mr. Assange's facebook page as a sign of showing their displeasure.