Garissa's Greatest Football Coach; Abdirahman Bilal alias JB

 Even when outside the confines of Garissa Primary School field, Abdirahman or as he is fondly referred to by his friends Gerard/JB, creates a stir. Most Garissans are familiar with this broad shouldered master of football and mind games. He single handedly transformed Sunnah Boys from a minor league outfit to the city's most coherent and tactile group.


 In his wake, junior kids crowd around him to listen to the dry, politically incorrect humor that drips from his mouth. He has a flair for the dramatic much like his hero, Mourinho of Real Madrid, even though he models himself after Arsene Wenger. This modern day renaissance man is a comedian, a tactician, a master manager and a hafidh. He mastered the Qur'an at the tender age of 11, graduated in the top quartile of his class and gave the city some of its best footballing talents. 


Gerrard Occupies a rarefied place in the pantheon of Garissian celebrity. He is a manifestation of the wonders of  madrassa and the 8-4-4 system perfectly meshed to produce a man of many abilities and talents.  He has ascended to the top through grit, sword and an understanding of human psychology that many don't have.


When he is not on the field, he can be found among his friends in Bulla Sunnah.

Mogadishu Girls Basketball Team

UPDATE: Mogadishu Girls made it to the Semi-Finals of the tournament eventually finishing in third place after they beat fellow semi-finalists Nairobi. 

 If you don't know what I'm about to tell you, you've probably been living under an acacia tree in some Alshabab controlled village for the past week.

 Ladies & Gentlemen, Mogadishu is no longer satisfied with dominating the "war scene". That's why the world's most violent city has sent its best girls to conquer East Africa's women's basketball competition.

The hotties were quite impressive in their first outing against reigning champions Nairobi Girls and almost gave us the biggest upset of the tournament. The match was full of alley-oops, hook shots, great dribbles, excellent passes and overall, an outstanding display of basketball. All this achieved with just two weeks of training. You hear that Garissa High School? Speak of making it against the odds!

This's in stark contrast to Garissa High School's effete crew of muscle-atrophied "jocks" who were hapless in all their three matches at the recently concluded KSSSA Kakamega Games.

Embedded Below is a video of the remarkable and inspirational Mogadishu Girls. Just ignore the douchy reporter's claims that Somali women are culturally subjugated. As far as I know, our women are some of the most opinionated and fiercely liberal women in Sub-Saharan Africa and the Arab league {Think Hawa Tako & Company}. And its not like cabiid women are associated with any kind Feminism, militant or intellectual.

Crossing my fingers for a Cinderella story here.

In unrelated news, Garissa might host the Kenya Secondary Schools Games next year. Read full story here

Garissa High School Clobbered in National Basketball Games

Oh man, how it must feel to be a Garissa High School fan, jock or student right now. It stings like hell. Our hopes for a Cinderella story where a team from the forgotten North East overcomes the long odds to become national basketball champions were quashed late Tuesday thus making the improbable super impossible.

Our boys were clobbered in some of the most lopsided games since Pro's were allowed to participate in  the special Olympics. (Ok, that never happened but imagine if it did).

 In their first match, GHS played Kamusinga School where they were treated to a score of 135-8 with our boys sinking only four baskets during the entire match. As far as crapiness goes , this was historic and unprecedented .

Their second outing was against Upper Hill where again they were thrashed 112-14 in another one-sided game.
Now lets hope for some consolation in the third and pointless match. Hopefully, the boys will sink at least 8 baskets in this one.

That said, I'm sure we all knew a team that has never had the requisite preparation wouldn't do well  in national sports, so this isn't much of a surprise.

Watch out for the girls though. I am sure NEP won't do any worse than GHS.

 For those of you who really don't care about this stuff, good choice. More power to you!

Garissa High School & NEP Girls in National Basketball Championship

   Garissa High School have drawn national champions Maseno High School in pool B of the National Basketball Competition. The games are set to kick off in a week's time in Kakamega town. Laiser Hill and Kangaru round up the group.

NEP Girls Secondary Schools have also been drawn into Pool B of the girl's version to play Laiser Hill, Kingero Girls and Oganda Girls .

The games will take place between April 12- 16th.

We wish both of our teams nothing but the best.

Report and Pictures from Safaricom Sakata Ball Competition

Al Mujahadin won The Sakata Ball North Eastern Regional Finals after defeating Red Eagles in an underwhelming final to win  KShs. 100 000 and proceed to the national finals in Nairobi. They won 3-1 on penalties following a goal less draw in a match that was from start to end dominated by Red Eagles. 

Abdinassir of Red Eagles emerged as the top scorer as well as the most valuable player in the tournament netting Ksh 10 000 in the process.

Al-Mujahiddin's Goal Keeper, Abubakar, was named the best stopper in the tournament and was awarded 10 000shs for his heroics. He took his team through two penalty shootouts in the semifinal and final.

Cynthia Chepkemei of KMTC was awarded Kshs. 5 000 for outstanding goal keeping skills. Her schoolmate   Hellen Nyawira won an equivalent amount after she ended up becoming the top scorer with 9 goals and finally Dorris Anyango also of KMTC won a similar amount after she was named the MVP of the tournament.

KMTC- Garissa won the ladies version of the tournament and were awarded KShs. 50 000 as well as football attire for the entire team. The runners up GTTC won a cash prize of Kshs. 25 000 and a football paraphernalia.

[Post aggregated from Safaricom's platform and blog readers e-mails]

All images from the events are provided by Safaricom.

Sakata Ball: The NEP Chapter

On Saturday, March 26th 2011, Garissa Primary School will play host to the finals of the Sakata football championship. Teams from all over NEP will play for a spot in the National Grand Finale in Nairobi and a prize of 100 000 shillings.

On a sad note, one of the best teams in Garissa (Sunnah Boys) has been officially barred from participating in the event by the ever-douchey officials.

Garissa High School chosen to be one of the country's eight sports academies.

A trilateral initiative by the Ministries of Education and Sports, & UNICEF has included Garissa High as one of the countries eight breeding centers for champion Sportsmen. The school has received a donation of Sh. 4m to help fund the academy and nurture Kenya's future champions. Its my sincere hope that this project will be executed with the interest of country and students at heart. Failure to do so will not only mean  another generation of talent going to waste, it will also deprive our province of representation in National sporting championships.
Finally, GHS should increase its quota of students who come from Wajir and Mandera counties. For a long time the school has had 90% + of its student body hailing from within the city. This funding will give it an edge over its rivals and allow the school to broaden its talent pool both academically and sports-wise.

Read the full story here.

The 10 Best Footballers in Garissa

 A few days ago I wrote an entry detailing what I believed to be the best football teams in Garissa. I, apparently, had a lot to learn about football and seemed to have disappointed a substantial number of die-hard fans who had hoped their home teams will be featured on my list. In order to redeem myself, I thought I should shine the spotlight on what a number of self described football experts in Garissa and I believe to be the best footballers as opposed to the best teams. Our passion is after all for the players who make us (the fans) go 'ooh and aaah' with their deft touch and spark.
 In ranked format, here are the best ten footballers in Garissa;

1. Abdiaziz (Sunnah Boys) : He has the composure of a seasoned striker infront of goal. His skill is unparalleled and many consider him to be the best player in this generation. He represented Kenya in the under-17 championships in South Africa at the 2010 world cup. The problem with trying to evaluate Abdiaziz is that you run out of adjectives to qualitatively highlight his superiority when compared to his peers.

2. Okora (Red Eagles): A man of many aliases, Morreira, represents both the young and the old in Garissa. His speed is legendary. His ability to slice through defenses and leave the fans going nuts is well known throughout the city. His name is something of a brand in on its own. His only shortcoming is his inability to commit to a single team for the long term. He changes teams faster than a teenager afflicted with acne changes face cleansing creams.

3. Najib (Sunnah Boys): They call him Najinho. He has the flair of Robinho, the deft touch of Rivaldo and the bravado of Ronaldinho. If you have never seen him play yet, I'll urge you to attend one of Sunnah's games

4. Ali aka (Red Eagles)


5. Noor (Red Eagles) : 


6. A.Latif D.V (Sunnah Boys): Immense talent and an enormous presence in the midfield. His telepathic connection with his strikers is admirable.

7. Liban (Al-mansoor) ; A poacher of Van Nistelroy's pedigree

8. Deqow (Red Eagles); They call him Deco because just like the Portuguese maestro he can mesmerize strikers with his carnivorous awareness. He is a hybrid of Canavarro & Nesta. One of the best defenders since the days of Burra & qaliirow.

9. Fuser (Sheikh Stars) : The Kudanzee boys would have been dumped among the refuse if it were not for him.

10. Abdirashid (Ngamia):






So what do you think? Did your favourite player make it to the list? Feel free to tell me any genuine contenders I left out.

Top 10 Football Clubs in Garissa

Warning: If you're an uptight nutjob and have no sense of humour, this entry may be hazardous to your health.

Okay, Football fans. I have been concentrating on politics and other controversial social issues for a while now and I feel its time lighten up the mood here before this blog turns into another one of those ranting sites. And what a better way to bring levity to our lives than rank Garissa's football teams in terms of talent, jogo bonnito, swagger and chances of future success.
I've been holding this back for a couple days, while I did a lengthy research on the topic and consulted quasi experts on all football related issues in Garissa. The methodology used to come up with this ranking is not scientific and skeptics are allowed to send me corrections, compliments and generally anything that you think is noteworthy.

Ladies & Gentlemen, I give you the 10 best football clubs in Garissa:

1. SUNNAH BOYS FC; They are the reigning champions and are blessed with one of the greatest coaches in the city. Not to mention an array of talent that includes the who is who of football in Garissa. Just to mention a few, Abdiaziz, Najib & zakaria. "Experts" and hardcore football fans in Garissa claim this team has a lot of parallels with Arsenal FC of England.

2.RED EAGLES FC; They certainly have the reputation and the class albeit robbed of their mojo by Sunnah FC. They are the Real Madrid of Garissa, laden with a history of silverware, big names and an ego that will expose Yuweri Musevini for sabre-rattler that he is. This team has produced some of the city's most legendary footballers. The likes of Isko, Aliko, Abdille and Okora ( I know he shouldn't be mentioned in the same breath as the others).Their destruction of Jeshu (Military) and police  teams has gone down in the annals of soccer history & is held in awe by all.
We hear some of their all times greats are doing well in Europe and America flipping burgers at McDonald's.

3. Al-MANSOOR FC: At one time this team was known to be a rag tag collection of 'Som' players. Not to propagate a stereotype but this still holds true today.Masters of refined culture, they have a laid back attitude and a calm approach to football. Watching their fluid cat-walk replicate playing style is easy on the eyes. Their over-jelled hair(s) and cheap perfume gives away their unorthodoxy. Currently Liban is one of their most known players.

4.NGAMIA UNITED; Synonymous with violence and a Sicilian approach to competition, Ngamia utd has become one of the city's most infamous brands. Even though they've tried to shed away their mungiki-esque characteristics, their detractors still think of them in the same light and their fans are as passionate about their team as ever. This team has managed to cultivate a culture of football mania much like the Catalans. They boast of one of the deepest lineups in the city. Plus we all love the uncultured bad boy attitude of the men from the east.

5. SHEIKH STARS FC; Their name gives away all you need to know about them. Not well known outside one kilometer radius of Kudanzi.

6.Northern Rangers: Another of one those upcoming teams. Their game is decent and fast paced. A lot of their players are former employees of the now defunct garbage collection department in Garissa.

7.WHITE EAGLES; The hill billy's of Bulla Adan known to have the football IQ of a 'lax' (sheep)
Some of their greatest players are no longer in town thus their low ranking.

8.DUTCH FC; Their name is also used as insult. Calling someone 'dutch' in parts of the city is the equivalent of calling them a clown. Simple put, they are boring, plain and uncreative.

9. Khalifa FC; Mediocrity is not the equivalent of misery. This team knows its niche and has found happiness in it. They suffer from a severe lack of motivation.

10. Garissa Ndogo: At one point, they were one of the city's best teams but their fortunes are these days in the toilet.

Disclaimer: This writing is to be taken for what it is. An amateur hit job written in jest.