"Garissa County Diaspora"

  A self appointed Garissa County Diaspora Committee met in London on the 26th of March to appoint one of the attendees   chairman of the aforementioned entity. The numbers were quite small and the attendees were all middle aged men.

I got in touch with one of the organizers but as of yet, he hasn't responded to any of my e-mails. Because of this apparent lack of transparency, I cannot report on what was discussed in the meeting but sources who were at the meeting claim the event was mainly social. It was an opportunity for Garissians in the London area to network and meet others from their hometown.

As far as the legitimacy of the chairman elect is concerned given the lack of diversity and the committee's lack of numbers, those questions are yet to be addressed by the organizers. We will let you know as soon as we get answers to our e-mailed questions.

Here are some pictures from the event:

Report and Pictures from Safaricom Sakata Ball Competition

Al Mujahadin won The Sakata Ball North Eastern Regional Finals after defeating Red Eagles in an underwhelming final to win  KShs. 100 000 and proceed to the national finals in Nairobi. They won 3-1 on penalties following a goal less draw in a match that was from start to end dominated by Red Eagles. 

Abdinassir of Red Eagles emerged as the top scorer as well as the most valuable player in the tournament netting Ksh 10 000 in the process.

Al-Mujahiddin's Goal Keeper, Abubakar, was named the best stopper in the tournament and was awarded 10 000shs for his heroics. He took his team through two penalty shootouts in the semifinal and final.

Cynthia Chepkemei of KMTC was awarded Kshs. 5 000 for outstanding goal keeping skills. Her schoolmate   Hellen Nyawira won an equivalent amount after she ended up becoming the top scorer with 9 goals and finally Dorris Anyango also of KMTC won a similar amount after she was named the MVP of the tournament.

KMTC- Garissa won the ladies version of the tournament and were awarded KShs. 50 000 as well as football attire for the entire team. The runners up GTTC won a cash prize of Kshs. 25 000 and a football paraphernalia.

[Post aggregated from Safaricom's platform and blog readers e-mails]

All images from the events are provided by Safaricom.

Sakata Ball: The NEP Chapter

On Saturday, March 26th 2011, Garissa Primary School will play host to the finals of the Sakata football championship. Teams from all over NEP will play for a spot in the National Grand Finale in Nairobi and a prize of 100 000 shillings.

On a sad note, one of the best teams in Garissa (Sunnah Boys) has been officially barred from participating in the event by the ever-douchey officials.

Of Lies, Lawsuits & ID issuance

 In line with its brazen disregard for the truth, the government is still doubling down on the lie that  Nepians are not discriminated against in the issuance of ID cards stating among other reasons that the process is meant to weed out non-kenyans and applies to all communities that live near or at international borders.

The government also stated that vetting committees are necessary to assess the authenticity of ID applications. It also insisted through its lawyers that the burden of proof of citizenship and age lies with us (nepians/applicants) and not the government. Not only is their reasoning disingenuous, its in clear contravention of the new constitution which calls for the equal treatment of all citizens regardless of religion, tribe and place of residence.

Vetting committees are inherently corrupt and clearly do nothing to weed out so called "aliens." They are just there to frustrate legitimate Kenyans and make a quick buck from selling national identity cards. The Somalis on these "vetting committees" are perennial second fiddles to their counterparts from elsewhere. May be 2012 will be the dawn of a new era for us.

 Unsheathe your pitch forks and demand your rights!

Full story on the lawsuit can be read here

Charles Onyango-Obbo's Fucked up thought process

 Most people of above average intellect know the Daily Nation has really lousy editorials and even lousier opinion writers. Most of their opinion section is full of lowbrow opinions and cow shit. It's so bereft of any intellectual coherence you wonder how any of these guys ever got to land Kenya's best piece of journalistic real estate.

Take Onyango-Obbo's latest piece on Kenya's future political landscape. In it, her writes:

     In Africa, when a country gets to have a noisy national disagreement over real issues other than tribe, then it is   making progress. Now, eight months later, Kenya is in the midst of another row — this time over the impending trial of the Ocampo Six. 

The above statement completely ignores that the whole "Ocampo six" issue has completely taken on a tribal factor. It has become Kikuyu & Kalenjin issue. Its always good to engage in wishful thinking or a positivism ladden political opining but that doesn't conceal the whole undercurrent of tribalism that's brewing below the surface.

    However, the more interesting issue is how persecution leads to the evolution of new identities. Take Israel.  Apart from a few religious shrines (the Wailing Wall), its most enduring national symbols are built mostly around the World War II genocide in which about 6 million Jews perished.

That experience defines Israel and the global Jewish movement. A Jewish dissident can be anti-Zionist, denounce Israel’s treatment of Palestinians as criminal, but there is one thing he cannot do – deny the genocide.

We see the same thing with the Tutsi of Rwanda, and the Diaspora. The genocide of 1994 in which one million  people, mostly Tutsi, were killed, defines nearly all aspects of being a Tutsi – and a Rwandan – today.

Did he just compare the PEV of 2008 to the Rwandan Genocide that Killed 800 000 people in 100 days or the death of 6 million Jews in the 2nd world war? Not only is this the biggest exaggeration ever written, its an immoral bloviation and a grossly emboldened idiocy. 

Then he goes on to tell us an anecdotal evidence from a supposed friend of his, which of course according to him is a perfect fit for all that is going in central. This is true because Charles Onyango-Obbo said so. Oh and  just incase you missed the memo, now anyone can be labelled 'PEV denier', a completely meaningless phrase that is lazily borrowed from the concept of holocaust denier and Rwanda's Genocide ideology policy.

In conclusion, the pseudo-epiphany of this article is that Kenya will go through turbulent waters before its democracy is perfected. Gee, how come none of us ever thought of that! Color me unimpressed that the daily nation prostitutes these guys as the country's premier thinkers.

Generation Druggies

 Several years back, my father who usually spent most of his time outside Garissa, couldn't believe that most kids my age rarely engaged in drug abuse. He was bizarrely amused by the fact that young 'druggies' were referred to as "chokora', 'steam' , mainly so outside the mainstream they were the classic uncool kids of the 21st century.

 How things change! Now binge drinking, marathon miraa chewing and chain smoking are more common a sight than a stray cow in suq mugdi. More shockingly, this behaviour transcends gender. Its no longer unholy to see girls from NEP & UMU de-skinning miraa twigs.

Yesterday, an anonymous tipster informed me of a young girl who was admitted to Garissa general hospital for alcohol poisoning. The transformation is now complete. No longer is sobriety considered cool. Now its all about getting a temporary high from bhang (marijuana) puff and miraa juice. Immorality and  social decay are more pervasive than ever.

How did end up here and what are the consequences? I'll let you mull that while I try to figure out how to interact with the drunken fools that are too vegetative to use the internet. And by the way, next time someone asks you why NEP's KCPE & KCSE scores are down the toilet or why very few of our students matriculate in national universities, you know the answer.

Let me know what you guys think in the comments section.

Worst High School's in Kenya

  Well, worst, isn't strong enough in this case. Its an indication of how bad things are, education wise, in this country. Some 60%  (213.438) of all candidates in last year's KCSE scored below a C-. Given the fact that the minimum acceptable grade to get into University is a C+, its not wrong to assume that 70% of all candidates who sat the test wouldn't even get accepted to a university. Not mention the fact that the curriculum is outdated, imparts no knowledge and doesn't prepare students for the rigours of post-secondary education but thats another blogpost.

You might be surprised to learn that most of the worst high schools in the country lie outside of NEP in places that are considered to have better resources. Out of the worst 50 schools in Kenya, Nyanza contributed 17, central had 10, 7 from Eastern, Coast had 6 and 5 from Nairobi. The Rift Valley had two schools in this category while NEP had just one school.

St. Marks High School of Central is officially the worst school in Kenya boasting an average of 1.58. Out of its 76 candidates, 39 scored E, 29 D- & 7D

Kyulu Sec of Eastern had a mean score of 1.64 with 10 E

Our very own Bute Girls rounded up the top 3 with 22E & 13D-

Guru Nanak of Eastleigh Nairobi, a profiteering Indian owned sham of a school that defrauds Somalis was ranked fourth with a mean score of 1.8 and a massive 18 E's. This school is well known to most of Garissians because of a lot of our boys & girls go there.

While this list does not provide enough information to form an educated opinion since its mainly composed of rudimentary outliers, I was a bit surprised  by the fact that NEP didn't feature prominently in this list. My deduction is that we have very few high schools per capita compared to other places and  that our weakest students are dropped off in lower grades. Furthermore, this indicates the lazy conflation that NEPians are OK with mediocrity might after all have some truth to it.

   Stories gleaned off from the Saturday Nation.

Fibre Optic Cable in Garissa & Racist Michael Joseph

  Another reason why any self respecting Garissian should immediately cease their association with Safaricom has emerged through recently leaked secret cables published by wikileaks. Apparently, Michael "I-know-everything-kenyans-want" Joseph has told American officials that providing high speed internet to Garissa was a waste of resources. He further added that indeed it was places like Nyeri that needed such services instead of "sparsely populated" NEP.

  I'm very glad that this raving lunatic has departed Safaricom after several years of fleecing Kenyans through over-priced and poor quality services. His borderline racist crap should be called out for what it is by our MPs and every self respecting Kenyan. After years of isolation and neglect we cannot have the guy who is running the tourism department in Kenya advocating for cutting off Garissa from the world wide web.

Quite clearly this megalomaniac has never been to Garissa and doesn't understand the leaps this city has made in the last decade. Before he spews such demonstrable lies maybe he should pay this great city a visit and see what it means the greatest self-made city in East and Central Africa.

  To you Garissians, if you are half as livid as I am, give this moron a call and tell him how pissed you are. Currently, he is the chairman of Kenya Tourism Board.

Nairobi, Kenya Kenya Tourist Board - Head Office                                                  Kenya-Re Towers, Ragati Road P.O. BOX 30630 - 00100 Nairobi, Kenya Tel: +254 20 2749 000, +254 20 2711 262 Fax: +254 20 271 9925 E-mail info@kenyatourism.org  As for Dualle and his ilk, they shoud stop pitching for Raila or Ruto and instead call for this guy to be fired. We cannot have a high ranking government official calling for the alienation of Somalis. Why is Nyeri anymore worthy of high speed internet than Garissa, arguably the fastest growing city in the entire nation. You can read the full cable here.