Garissa High School chosen to be one of the country's eight sports academies.

A trilateral initiative by the Ministries of Education and Sports, & UNICEF has included Garissa High as one of the countries eight breeding centers for champion Sportsmen. The school has received a donation of Sh. 4m to help fund the academy and nurture Kenya's future champions. Its my sincere hope that this project will be executed with the interest of country and students at heart. Failure to do so will not only mean  another generation of talent going to waste, it will also deprive our province of representation in National sporting championships.
Finally, GHS should increase its quota of students who come from Wajir and Mandera counties. For a long time the school has had 90% + of its student body hailing from within the city. This funding will give it an edge over its rivals and allow the school to broaden its talent pool both academically and sports-wise.

Read the full story here.

The 10 Best Footballers in Garissa

 A few days ago I wrote an entry detailing what I believed to be the best football teams in Garissa. I, apparently, had a lot to learn about football and seemed to have disappointed a substantial number of die-hard fans who had hoped their home teams will be featured on my list. In order to redeem myself, I thought I should shine the spotlight on what a number of self described football experts in Garissa and I believe to be the best footballers as opposed to the best teams. Our passion is after all for the players who make us (the fans) go 'ooh and aaah' with their deft touch and spark.
 In ranked format, here are the best ten footballers in Garissa;

1. Abdiaziz (Sunnah Boys) : He has the composure of a seasoned striker infront of goal. His skill is unparalleled and many consider him to be the best player in this generation. He represented Kenya in the under-17 championships in South Africa at the 2010 world cup. The problem with trying to evaluate Abdiaziz is that you run out of adjectives to qualitatively highlight his superiority when compared to his peers.

2. Okora (Red Eagles): A man of many aliases, Morreira, represents both the young and the old in Garissa. His speed is legendary. His ability to slice through defenses and leave the fans going nuts is well known throughout the city. His name is something of a brand in on its own. His only shortcoming is his inability to commit to a single team for the long term. He changes teams faster than a teenager afflicted with acne changes face cleansing creams.

3. Najib (Sunnah Boys): They call him Najinho. He has the flair of Robinho, the deft touch of Rivaldo and the bravado of Ronaldinho. If you have never seen him play yet, I'll urge you to attend one of Sunnah's games

4. Ali aka (Red Eagles)


5. Noor (Red Eagles) : 


6. A.Latif D.V (Sunnah Boys): Immense talent and an enormous presence in the midfield. His telepathic connection with his strikers is admirable.

7. Liban (Al-mansoor) ; A poacher of Van Nistelroy's pedigree

8. Deqow (Red Eagles); They call him Deco because just like the Portuguese maestro he can mesmerize strikers with his carnivorous awareness. He is a hybrid of Canavarro & Nesta. One of the best defenders since the days of Burra & qaliirow.

9. Fuser (Sheikh Stars) : The Kudanzee boys would have been dumped among the refuse if it were not for him.

10. Abdirashid (Ngamia):






So what do you think? Did your favourite player make it to the list? Feel free to tell me any genuine contenders I left out.

Kenya's Obama but Kenya is NO America

 One of my favourite columnists, Makau Mutua, floats the idea of Mr. Abdikadir Hussein Mohammed pulling off an Obama in Kenya. Its a great leap for well read intellectual heavyweights to float the idea of a Somali becoming Kenya's president but can Kenya pull off an 'America'? Despite the many parallels Abdikadir's rise has with that of Obama, the former doesn't possess Obama's soaring rhetorical skills and his celebrity persona. What he lacks in grandiose and flowery rhetoric, he makes up for in unparalleled statesmanship.

I think a certain number of issues will work against him;

Kenya's political system is one underlined by tribal allegiances and class divide. Political power always belongs to the upper class of the 'big five' who are at the heart of the Kenyan aristocracy.

Somalis, for all their new found wealth, have not joined the rotund corporate fat cats of Kenya and have not formed any powerful lobby groups that might assist with funding, campaign donations, etc

If figures from the census are to be believed, the Muslim vote in this nation is about 10 percent of the whole electorate. That lowers Mr. Abdikadir's voter base to a small subset of the larger population.

Here is what I think will work to Mr. Abdikadir's advantage in 2012;

The young educated class in this nation who do not buy into the whole tribe issue, as shown by the election of defrauder-in-chief, Mike Sonko to the National Assembly will certainly be willing to vote for a tested visionary leader.
The emerging professional class of cosmopolitan cities like Nairobi and Mombasa are willing to change Kenya's image from an archaic tribal fiefdom into a place where anyone with solid credentials can make it to the top

The new constitution and the requirement that the winner garner 51% of the vote will make it hard for any of the big five to do it on their own. Even if Mr. Abdikadir fails to win the first round, he is set to gain a big bargaining chip if he galvanizes the aforementioned subsets of our electorate. (Muslims, Minority tribes & young professionals)

Also, a lot of minority tribes who have never had representation in State House will certainly welcome one of them making it to the top as It will mean an end to the big five dictatorship.
 It will also be a nice break from the violence that rocks this nation every election cycle since no one will feel that their arch enemy's win is a doom for their tribes ventures.

Enough with my pseudo-political scientist analysis, here is the real article by Makau Mutua.

Daily Nation Peddles another cheap tabloid Somali Story

Crime whether by Somalis or others is reprehensible and should face the wrath of the law. I'm not an apologist for criminals, Somali or otherwise, but what is the point of plagiarizing a New York Times article on crimes committed by Somali Americans and what is its relevance to Kenya? None of the criminals are Kenyan. None of the innocent young girls abused is Kenyan. Does this mean from today henceforth, all crimes committed in America, including those by Mexican drug cartels, African Americans, White supremacist tin hat groups will be covered in Kenya's biggest tabloid paper? I'm sure its a shameful thing for any Muslim or Somali to partake in, but what makes this story worthy of coverage?

For a media house that is subservient to Indian owned corporations, its intentions are suspect.Has the monkey posing as an editor who decided to run this story forgotten about millions of Kenyan sex slaves including children as young as 9 peddled to serve the fetishes of tourists? Before running this slanderous tabloid story maybe they should pay more attention to their wretched brethren at the coast who pimp children and increase the prevalence  of HIV among their fellow chimps or their Indian benefactors who specialise in all forms of slavery including and not limited to the abuse of Kenyan labourers.

For clowns who are not familiar with the nuances and struggles of refugees in America, its irresponsible to sensationalize a story that happened thousands of kilometers away for the purpose of insulting Kenyan Somalis who are a decent lot and have a clean record when it comes to the myriad of social vices that plague this country.

I have no problems with adoons drinking to their grave, hacking their families to death and pimping their children for a gunia of maize so long as they keep us out of it. 

I know I've been over the top with my rants this time round but I'm not gonna apologize for it. I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna sit around while the honour of my people is insulted by a brain addled 'cabiid.'

Here is the aforementioned New York Times article and here is the sensational headline chosen by the retarded morons at Daily Nation.

Abu Dhabi gives Sh.800m for the construction of Garissa-Modogashe Highway

The Abu Dhabi Fund For Development (ADFD) has given Sh.800m to Kenya's ambassador to the UAE, Mohammed Gillo, for the construction of a single carriage (two lane) highway link between Garissa and Modogashe.

This 135Km link will improve the livelihoods of a lot of Northerners and cut travel time between the two towns. Lets hope this money will not be diverted to personal accounts or other regions.

For further reading, go here and here.

Top 10 Football Clubs in Garissa

Warning: If you're an uptight nutjob and have no sense of humour, this entry may be hazardous to your health.

Okay, Football fans. I have been concentrating on politics and other controversial social issues for a while now and I feel its time lighten up the mood here before this blog turns into another one of those ranting sites. And what a better way to bring levity to our lives than rank Garissa's football teams in terms of talent, jogo bonnito, swagger and chances of future success.
I've been holding this back for a couple days, while I did a lengthy research on the topic and consulted quasi experts on all football related issues in Garissa. The methodology used to come up with this ranking is not scientific and skeptics are allowed to send me corrections, compliments and generally anything that you think is noteworthy.

Ladies & Gentlemen, I give you the 10 best football clubs in Garissa:

1. SUNNAH BOYS FC; They are the reigning champions and are blessed with one of the greatest coaches in the city. Not to mention an array of talent that includes the who is who of football in Garissa. Just to mention a few, Abdiaziz, Najib & zakaria. "Experts" and hardcore football fans in Garissa claim this team has a lot of parallels with Arsenal FC of England.

2.RED EAGLES FC; They certainly have the reputation and the class albeit robbed of their mojo by Sunnah FC. They are the Real Madrid of Garissa, laden with a history of silverware, big names and an ego that will expose Yuweri Musevini for sabre-rattler that he is. This team has produced some of the city's most legendary footballers. The likes of Isko, Aliko, Abdille and Okora ( I know he shouldn't be mentioned in the same breath as the others).Their destruction of Jeshu (Military) and police  teams has gone down in the annals of soccer history & is held in awe by all.
We hear some of their all times greats are doing well in Europe and America flipping burgers at McDonald's.

3. Al-MANSOOR FC: At one time this team was known to be a rag tag collection of 'Som' players. Not to propagate a stereotype but this still holds true today.Masters of refined culture, they have a laid back attitude and a calm approach to football. Watching their fluid cat-walk replicate playing style is easy on the eyes. Their over-jelled hair(s) and cheap perfume gives away their unorthodoxy. Currently Liban is one of their most known players.

4.NGAMIA UNITED; Synonymous with violence and a Sicilian approach to competition, Ngamia utd has become one of the city's most infamous brands. Even though they've tried to shed away their mungiki-esque characteristics, their detractors still think of them in the same light and their fans are as passionate about their team as ever. This team has managed to cultivate a culture of football mania much like the Catalans. They boast of one of the deepest lineups in the city. Plus we all love the uncultured bad boy attitude of the men from the east.

5. SHEIKH STARS FC; Their name gives away all you need to know about them. Not well known outside one kilometer radius of Kudanzi.

6.Northern Rangers: Another of one those upcoming teams. Their game is decent and fast paced. A lot of their players are former employees of the now defunct garbage collection department in Garissa.

7.WHITE EAGLES; The hill billy's of Bulla Adan known to have the football IQ of a 'lax' (sheep)
Some of their greatest players are no longer in town thus their low ranking.

8.DUTCH FC; Their name is also used as insult. Calling someone 'dutch' in parts of the city is the equivalent of calling them a clown. Simple put, they are boring, plain and uncreative.

9. Khalifa FC; Mediocrity is not the equivalent of misery. This team knows its niche and has found happiness in it. They suffer from a severe lack of motivation.

10. Garissa Ndogo: At one point, they were one of the city's best teams but their fortunes are these days in the toilet.

Disclaimer: This writing is to be taken for what it is. An amateur hit job written in jest.

Kenya Inc.

Kenya is nothing more than a massive mafia conglomerate. Don't believe me? Read today's Standard. There is a massive expose on how a bunch of Sisyphus morons from The Mt.Kenya region have taken this nations and its citizens for a ride. How corruption pervades this nation, its elected leaders and every sphere of life is breathtaking in its breadth and rot.
What best describes these minions is what Matt Taibbbi of Rolling Stone Magazine wrote about wall street bankers at the height of the global sub-prime mortgage crisis.

     "a great vampire squid wrapped around the face of humanity, relentlessly jamming its blood funnel into                                 anything that smells like money."

Here are a few of the links that you might consider reading:

Jibril Adan's cover story on the figures behind The Standard media raid .
Police officers colluding with drug trafficking cartels.
The story on how Brigadier Ali and Aaron Ringera, the former resident of Integrity House, aided and abetted drug trafficking
Chase Bank's involvement in drug trafficking, tax evasion among other numerous fraudulent adventures.

Seriously, where are we headed? Are we ever going to see a major political figure head in prison?
Lumumba seems to be making all the right noises but his efforts will surely be impeded by our highly polarized and extremely tribalised politics.
If this country is ever to achieve its vision 2030,  "our tribe, our thief" rational is got to come to an end.